Were You Blinded By the Light?
by pancake-potch
Summary: Eric Forman and the girl he actually loves. Canon divergent. Jackie/Eric [Hiatus/Slow Updates]
1. Chapter 1

**That 70's Show isn't exactly my wheelhouse. I loved it during its original run and have already rewatched it on the ol' Netflix a couple of times. That being said, I have always been slightly uncomfortable with E/D and J/H canon pairings for my own personal reasons. Eric and Jackie have been on the same wavelength in a lot of ways, and I always thought they would have made a great pair. So this is my 'in TV canon' attempt to get 'em together.**

He was just a boy. She was just a girl. A loud, annoying, abrasive girl that hung onto Kelso's arm. When she joined the basement group, he flinched away from her at every turn. When he heard her voice he wanted to roll his eyes and clench his fists. He wished she'd go back to whatever mansion she came from with a flip of her skirt and the back of her head breezing out the door. Their group was fine before she showed her face. Why he never fully requested that Kelso take his screechy girlfriend away from their pubescent sanctuary was lost to him. Kelso had been a part of his existence since they were small enough to make secret pacts and promises. A brother of sorts. Maybe that was why it just never occurred to him to do so. Then again, he remembered a seven-year-old Jackie Burkhart under a blanket fort in the basement, and told himself that she was already a presence since '68.

Much to his dismay, she integrated her teenage self into their routine as he watched from his peripherals. They grew up together, sure, but she was never on his radar enough to acknowledge her. After a time though, he no longer braced himself against the couch cushions at her verbal onslaught when she flung open the basement door, burdens unloaded as soon her feet hit the cement floor.

He was in love with the girl next door, but he could still appreciate a pretty face (and body) when he saw one. The tiny girl flew into their lives and somehow they'd given themselves over to accepting her. The brown-haired tornado was all mouth and wit. Demanding, bossy, and clever, all at the same time. This small band of Midwest teenagers had spun a web so taut ( _Jackie_ now included) that they were so woven together in each other's lives and anything less was unspeakable.

Slowly, she had become less coarse and exasperating. There was still so much that Eric didn't like about her, but those reasons were becoming less and less significant. He didn't realize how much she contributed to their rag-tag bunch until she wasn't around for a day or two sometimes, and he noticed things were too quiet and unbalanced for his liking. Internally, he questioned his heart because when she spent significant time away he missed her.

Okay, maybe not _missed_ her missed her. But he thought of her as a friend of sorts, because they had their moments. Not many, but there were a few. They had their own way of looking out for each other.

He loved Donna, but there was some inexplicable force that made Jackie appealing. He told himself it was because he was tired of Donna's lectures on feminism and her plans of demarcation lines drawn for their relationship once they were married and in college. Donna was a beautiful, independent woman and he would never voice his opinions to her. Buried deep within is heart, however, he wanted the petite and delicate girl. Someone he could wrap his arms around. A feminine, soft body. A girl with big doe eyes and a tiny waist. A girl who repeated time and time again that she wanted a husband and a family and a two-story house.

She was the opposite of his childhood sweetheart. Stylish and delicate, her views on love and marriage mirrored his own. At some point, they had bounced around each other and their friends long enough for him to recognize that they were running parallel in their life ambitions. Eric and Jackie's plans never crossed, but they had familiar enough desires for the future. It was a wonder that no one around them noticed.

He'd seen her through Kelso's infidelity that lead to her blustering and tears and demands for attention. She annoyed him still. But underneath the exterior of the jilted woman bent on revenge, he simply saw a girl who loved a boy who wronged her. Wronged her with Eric's own demon blood tie (among _many_ others).

It wasn't until she had physically separated herself from that handsome idiot that she showed a little more of her true colors. Oh, she was still bossy and straightforward, but there was a keen intelligence in that cheerleader body that was hidden in Kelso's shadow. Her insults and looks became more quick and barbed, often directed toward Eric himself. He liked to think that he gave as good as he received, but what he didn't know was that if there was an outside audience, they'd catch on to his deflection. The more he was pulled to her, the sharper he tried to be in order to extricate himself from something he suspected was happening for awhile.

One day she was a self-absorbed, obnoxious witch.

One day she was an insistent, whiny pest.

One day she was a hesitant and unexpected friend.

One day she was a gorgeous, out-of-his-league cheerleader.

One day she was _so much more_.

He could never, _ever_ admit outright that he wanted Jacqueline Burkart. He could already feel it in his gut and his heart, and if any one of their friends even suspected such a thing, it would turn out so, so bad.

Donna was his love and his life. That's whom he was supposed to be with. Anything else wouldn't do. He had to commit himself more fully to his relationship with Donna and hope that whatever feelings he had for _that_ girl would fade away.

 _That_ girl with the pink lips and stunning eyes that would take his soul and yank him down with her perfect fingertips to the depths of hell-because she was the devil.

They all kept their routine in the basement. Seasons changed and not much else did. Jackie gravitated back to Kelso and his other friends carried on much the same. Hyde's Zen koans. Fez's sugar-laden fingers. Donna's observations. Jackie's romantic dramatizations.

He pretended that he didn't care about Kelso and Jackie, but whenever he saw them together his chest tightened. It took all his willpower to not take her by the shoulders and demand why she thought so poorly of herself that she would lay herself down as a Michael Kelso doormat. _Again_.

The plan that a promise ring would solidify his relationship with his girlfriend turned out poorly. Somehow, he figured that if he put on a front, nobody would find any reason to question his loyalty to the neighbor girl. But, much like anything else he attempted, it blew up in his face. He'd be lying if he said his heart wasn't broken when Donna gave him back his ring, but it confirmed something he had suspected. They had drifted apart and no matter what mantra he repeated in his head at night, they were not meant to be.

How could they be? She pictured her future without the high school boyfriend tagging along and he pictured his future with a brunette bombshell linked to his arm.

It amused him that while Donna cringed away from the idea of a lifetime promise, Jackie loudly demanded one from Kelso.

It was less amusing when Kelso and Donna took off to the sunny beaches of California. Appropriate, sure. Appropriate in that they left their "loves" behind in a mildewy basement in Small Town, Wisconsin.

Eric's heart rejoiced when Jackie trampled down the basement steps. He had spent too many days pantsless in his room, unshaven and confused. His friends and family assumed it was because Donna had left unceremoniously. But the confusion lay in his heart and his head. Now that he was no longer taken, how do you tell the girl that you really love that you… _love_ her? Furthermore, how do you handle the rejection of a girl that was so stunning and smart and too good for you?

What on Earth would make him think a girl like that would like a skinny, nerdy guy like him?

So when she whirled into the basement and plopped herself onto the couch, her thighs touching his and he was nervous.

"That…ugh…that asshole. He's an asshole and a coward. He was lucky that someone like _me_ would ever marry someone like _him_ ," she said, more to herself. She was looking at her hands in her lap, face clenched.

Eric turned on the couch to face her. "Look, Jackie. I'm not disagreeing with you. I could actually come up with a couple more adjectives to describe Kelso." Thinking about Kelso's and Donna's escape he felt reckless and angry. "Donna too. They just…ran away from us, you know? I loved, _erm_ , love Donna. And you love Kelso. But Jackie," Taking her hand into his he continued, "If they loved us they wouldn't have left us."

She didn't pull away from him as he stared into her eyes. It was all he could do to not run his free hand through her dark, shiny hair.


	2. Chapter 2

**I am blown away by** _ **Marla's Lost**_ **and** _ **FoxtrotBlueshift**_ **'s reviews. That is Jeric royalty right there. Like, I have no words.** _ **Thank you.**_ **This is a short chapter, and I only plan on it being a couple more. Title from The Script's song "Flares"**

He didn't. He didn't touch her hair, because that would have been weird. Instead, he held her gaze and was transfixed by how wide her eyes were. Neither of them moved. A beat, maybe two had passed and she kept staring at him, her hand as still as her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to open his mouth and spew out his confession about the true nature of his heart. How he _didn't_ want her around because his desire for her caused an ache in his chest that was so acute, it threatened to double him over. How he _had_ to have her around because he would be lost without her in his orbit. Jacqueline Beulah Burkhart had wormed her way into his blood and bones and the sinew that held his joints together, her very name carved into his rib bones.

But he couldn't say those words, could he? There was the unspoken code about friends and how their ex's were not available for dating purposes and he assumed that the same went for girls.

This was the kind of situation that brought out that special brand of Forman awkwardness that he was prone to in certain situations.

What would her reaction be if she knew he wanted to run his thumb over her pouty bottom lip? Her lips were so red and perfect and shiny. Better yet, to have his mouth on those sassy lips _, tasting_ them. Eric couldn't seriously entertain such a notion because his plan to bury his wishes seemed like a good one. Well, maybe he thought that before he realized that he was the second choice to the girl he supposedly should have dedicated his life to. Truthfully though, he accepted it. Donna was _his_ second choice after all, so it only seemed fair.

His first choice was holding his hand, gripping him for comfort because her real love was probably traipsing around sandy beaches in swim trunks, charming any scantily clad girl in his sight.

Even though those thoughts may have been in her mind, he was gentleman. Plus, he never would have thought that she would ever feel the same way about him. He would never take advantage of a girl in distress. He wasn't made that way. Instinct dictated that he comfort her. But how do you do that? His ex-girlfriend left with her fiancé to the sunny and glamorous shores of California. Where exactly did that leave the two of them?

Alone. Single. That's where it left them.

But she still wouldn't stop looking at him, even when her eyes welled up.

"Eric?" She whispered.

"Jackie?"

She collapsed on the couch, pulling him down with her. She nestled her head on his shoulders, arm wrapped around his midsection. He gradually ran his hand up her arm and onto her shoulder, slightly disheveling the strap of her dress. The touch of her skin was almost too much, and he had to will himself to not physically shake. He had never fantasized any specific scenario in which he would hold her or kiss her. Having clear pictures in his mind would still feel like a betrayal when the simple act acknowledging his feelings weighed him down enough.

Holding her like this had to be enough. If he never got the chance again, he wanted to remember the softness of her skin, the feel of her dress, the scent of her hair. He closed his eyes and reveled in her body, holding her so very close.

Her shaky breaths interrupted his thoughts. He tried to sit up a little straighter to get her to look at him, but she clenched onto him tighter when her breaths turned into sobs. The delicate shoulder under his hands shook, and he squeezed it tighter.

Eric wanted to comfort her simply because he was uncomfortable with crying girls. Any crying girl, to be honest.

"Jackie," he began hesitantly. "Jackie? You-you don't really want to marry Kelso." He could feel her body stiffen at his words. "I mean…look, he's not faithful and he's not the smartest guy around. He just took off on you." Eric could feel her breath steadying and her body start to pull away, but he kept going. "Do you _really_ want the father of your children to be the guy that set his pants on fire for five bucks?"

 _Oh, Jackie. Do you really want him? Don't you know?_


	3. Chapter 3

**So what happens when you leave an unsaved Word document open on the family laptop? An eight year old deletes half of it and replaces it with a school report about the Ross Island Bridge.**

 **Regardless of why it took so long to update this, I have to say genuine thank you to those who left a positive review and to you new followers. My heart goes out to** _ **Marla's Lost**_ **and** _ **FoxtrotBlueshift**_ **. I consider it a privilege that you even read what I wrote and give such great feedback. No joke when I say your works are an inspiration**

Jackie pulled out of his embrace. "Michael and I would have had _the_ most beautiful children." She stared him down as if she was trying to challenge him.

"Uh, yeah-yes, Jackie. You guys are the beautiful people around here. I'm well aware of that," he admitted. Of course they were a stunning couple-that he couldn't deny.

He watched as she ran the back of her index finger under each eye, ensuring her liner and mascara didn't run. He could still see the sheen of tears on her cheeks and it was hard for him to not wipe it away himself. With that thought he pulled himself straighter on the couch and put a little distance between them. Being too close was dangerous.

"Of course we were, Eric. But…" Jackie stood up and turned away from him. "…But now I'm alone. Real love is like, supposed to last forever, right? If you promise yourself to someone that means it's a _promise_." She turned back to him again, expecting confirmation. "Right?"

Eric was still positioned on the couch, minus a Jackie in his arms. "Yes," he began solemnly, "Yes, if you-" he paused and really looked at her, "if you really love someone, it should be a love that will never fade away."

And there it was. The closest thing he got to saying her how he felt about her. Granted, that simple statement was buried under enough contextual subterfuge that it was disguised as one friend agreeing with another.

He was rewarded for his honesty by her flopping back down on the couch and throwing her hands up in the air, giving him a look as if he said the most obvious thing in the world. "Exactly! Eric, you're not as stupid as you look sometimes."

He nodded his head and reached over to pat her shoulder. "Yep. But don't tell anyone because I might have to start living up to certain expectations." He didn't take her burn to heart. If there was anything he knew about Jackie, it was that she continually dug a moat to enhance her emotional castle defenses. Itwasn't genuine. If it were, she wouldn't have sought comfort from him. Even when he didn't care about her, he listened to her problems and tried to help.

He knew that however they may have felt about each other, they had some sort of understanding between them _._ That was why they had always gravitated toward each other when there was some sort of emotional upset. There was an unspoken agreement to look out for each other.

And now was no different from then. Except for the whole ' _in love with Jackie'_ thing _._ He'd still be here for her. He would.

In the stillness of the basement, it was only them. As Pink Floyd would say _, they were two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl._ And they _were_ lost. It didn't matter how either of them felt about Donna and Kelso's departure, they were lost because their group was fractured. Hyde and Fez were off together, probably chick hunting. Donna and Kelso were off a thousand miles away. And now Eric and Jackie were in a basement, lonely and heartbroken for different reasons.

He heard her sigh and felt her lean back against the couch, pinning his hand against her shoulder. He tried to lighten the mood and make her laugh, "So say Kelso comes back and you guys get married and have a kid? If it's a boy you could name him Tater Nuts Jr." She looked at him and lifted an eyebrow, but he wasn't done yet, "maybe Tater _Tot_? That has a nice potato theme to it."

She laughed and his heart swelled. Maybe they would never be together, but he hoped she would always be in his life. He'd be happy with that much.

He had to.

After all these years, he had to. Jackie was in the basement before Donna ever was. Hell, he helped build the fort with Kelso and "the Burkhart girl," way back when the basement shower still worked and before his Red Ryder wagon was replaced by a record player.

He tugged her back to him and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Oh…Eric. This summer is going to suck."

He was going to respond but was interrupted by Red's demand that he come up for dinner. "Hey," he pulled away from her. "Do you want to come up and have dinner?" It wasn't like he was asking for a date or anything, but he didn't want her to leave just yet.

Eric watched her lean back and look at him. He had been around her enough that the look on her face told him there was something amiss. "Are you…Wait." She scrutinized him. "Are you _actually_ asking me to join you guys for dinner? Why are you being nice to me?"

It was a reasonable question that he decided to play off. "Well, we _are_ supposed to be friends, even if nobody can know." He gave her a smile as his heart beat against his chest. "Plus…you and I have a lot in common at the moment." That was true in some ways. Well, in most ways.

"And… _I think it's pot roast tonigh_ t…" He sing songed.

Jackie smiled. "Yeah? I do love your mom's pot roast."

"Well, m'lady shall I escort you to dinner?" He stood up and held his arm out, waiting to accompany her to the kitchen. She giggled at his ridiculous attempt at chivalry, but linked her arm around his.

"Alright dork. It would be a _privilege_ if you would escort me to dinner."

 **Sorry for the additional A/N, but does anyone know of any good J/E fanvids?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! Thanks for stickin' around! Again, thanks to** _ **Marla's Lost**_ **and** _ **Foxtrot Blueshift**_ **and everyone else who was kind enough to take time out of their day to read this. I'm wrapping this up, but not before throwing a little angst in the pot in due time.**

 **Chapter inspired by Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open the Door"**

And that was the beginning.

Much to Hyde's chagrin, Jackie still spent time at the Forman's even without Donna or Kelso around. Eric heard his grumbling when she stepped through the door, or heard the clacking of her heels down the wooden steps.

Hyde had put up with it for a couple of weeks before he said anything outright. "Jackie? Don't you have some cheer camp or makeup counter you need to be at?" His question was met by an eye roll from Jackie who went back to flipping through a magazine. It was if she wasn't a part of the group already, or as if she needed a specific invitation to be there. Eric felt as if his home was just as much hers as it was Hyde's or Kelso's or Fez's…even Donna's, although he couldn't reason to guess why she was there so often.

Well, he _hoped_ there was a specific reason but he didn't want to question her motives. It was curious that after Kelso broke her heart Jackie didn't seem to want to put distance between her and the basement. Eric figured she'd wander off to her popular pep squad friends or find a football player boyfriend. She did have a life outside the group yet she still spent nearly every day at his house.

 _Why? Maybe…?_ No, he could tick off any number of reasons she was around so often. She was bored, or lonely, or her rich friends were off on vacations or something, or she liked his mom's lunches, or she was waiting for Kelso to come back…

There. Lots of possibilities and not one of them was Eric Forman.

Eric wanted to defend her, but it was hard. Hyde was better than most at deducing motives. The abandonment and paranoia in his life sowed _that_ particular seed that grew into something innate and natural, like a Spidey sense. If Hyde knew he would never, ever hear the end of it. But, she was worth it. Wasn't she?

That was another thought that made this summer so painfully frustrating. Eric wanted what he wanted, but didn't want to get caught. He wanted what he wanted without the repercussions that would surely ensue. If he were braver, none of this would bother him. Hell, if he weren't so chicken he would have broken up with Donna ages ago and confessed his feelings for Jackie.

But he was a coward and by no means was that a new revelation. Kelso would surely come back, even if Donna didn't. As far as he knew she was living in California, never to return. But Kelso…Eric wasn't sure what his reaction would be if he knew that Eric was in love with his ex-girlfriend. Ex-fiancé? Ex…whatever they were.

As much as he tried to tamp down his feelings, they had always resurfaced when she was near. It was increasingly hard because it seemed as though she was at his house more often than not. They had spent time together along with Hyde or Fez or both, but somehow they had always found each other. The more time they spent together, the deeper he fell. If that was possible.

A month into the summer, she was still there. All the time. Hyde was at the Fotohut mostly and Fez went on some vacation with his host parents. Really, that just left Jackie and Eric by themselves. It was weird. She still showed up at his house as if nothing changed. She yakked away about this and that to Eric without missing a beat. It almost felt as if she came over to see _him_.

But that couldn't be, could it?

He was Eric Forman: Champion of Mediocrity. Certainly nothing special enough to have the popular girl seek his company.

But, that's how it was playing out.

They were just…together in the loosest way possible. Better friends than he would have though even though he already knew how much they had in common. She laughed at his corny jokes and demanded his presence at The Hub or the movie theater ( _Animal Hous_ e was pretty great). She was a presence at the dinner table often enough that Red no longer asked if she didn't have her own damn house that she could eat at.

They taunted each other, but it was never malicious. _That_ was something that hadn't changed. There were times when he thought he had gone too far and pissed her off, but she usually gave him a weary smile and rolled her eyes or socked him on the arm.

Jackie and Eric became closer and the summer was playing out wondrously. Well, maybe if his mom and Red (and Hyde to a lesser degree) didn't pester him about _Donna_ and what his plans were concerning _Donna_ and didn't he realize how lucky _he_ was that she asked him to take her back. He learned to just nod his head and concede that yes, she was too good for him and that if she called again then he would take the phone and beg for her to come home to Wisconsin and so on and so forth. Eric understood their sentiment to a degree, but was hurt that the people he was closest to only deemed him worthy enough to be someone's second choice.

And he thought everyone in Point Place was going to give him some sort of shit about the whole Donna thing. And everyone did. Except Jackie. Oddly enough, the Queen of Romance had almost nothing to say about Donna. The one thing that was blatantly at the forefront of the summer and the underlying reason why they were drawn together was never brought up between them.

Except when it was. He picked up the living room phone after Red yelled to him that "the Burkhart girl was crying and could you please put a stop to this nonsense." She hiccuped and whined about the mall and Kelso and underwear models and now there was a tainted area at her favorite place in the world. Her voice was heavy and she demanded in the most _Jackie_ of ways that he meet her at the water tower because her heart had had enough and could he bring beer or sneak Kitty's Kahlua, or really anything.

And that's how he found himself with the plastic rings of a six-pack of Hyde's stolen beer clenched between his teeth and climbing up the water tower. He saw her sitting on the edge, feet dangling. Jackie looked up at him as he sat down next to her and dropped the beer in her lap.

Eric waited for her to say something as she yanked two beers off the ring and handed him one. She sighed and tapped the top of the can with her finger, not opening it. "You know...I thought that I was over that idiot. I can't believe I wasted so much of my time on him. I am so much better than that."

He popped the top of his own beer and glanced out at the scene around him before turning to Jackie. He thought he'd find tears in her eyes, but he found none. She was so beautiful and _she was_ so much better than that. He took a drink and shrugged in agreement, doing so as nonchalantly as possible.

She finally opened her own beer. "What do you think they're doing right now?"

"Who?"

"Michael and Donna. I mean, what exactly do they have to talk about? Aside from the fact that they could exchange wardrobes." She took a sip and sighed. Eric watched her before replying, "The smartest of us crossing the country with the stupidest of us? I imagine the state of American/Soviet political discourse isn't one of them." He nudged her with his elbow and she gave him a small smile.

They drank in silence for a couple of minutes before Jackie looked at him thoughtfully, "Kinda like us." Eric choked on his beer mid-swallow.

 _Us?_ What?

"Us?" He chanced a look at her. He could feel his heart speed up and couldn't trust himself to say any more.

"Yeah," she said giving him one of her peppy smiles. "Yeah, 'cause _I'm_ the most gorgeous of us and _you're_ the dorkiest of us!" She laughed. He mock frowned at her, but she wasn't done yet. " _And,_ you and I could almost exchange wardrobes."

He tried to hide his smile as he wagged his finger at her, "I'll have you know I consider myself the nicest of us. And I think you're just jealous because that blouse would look way better on me." She threw her head back and laughed, and it made Eric feel...well, melt-y if that were a word. His insides were warm and gooey, and he didn't want to be anywhere else in the world than right here with this girl.

They spent the next hour sharing another couple of beers, laughing about Fez and how hard it must be for him spending so much time with those awful host parents. The sun had began to set reminding Eric that it was nearly dinner time but, he couldn't peel himself away.

It was infinitely harder when he felt the weight of her head on his shoulders. He heard her sigh and rest more of her weight on him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and dared to pull her closer. Jackie shifted slightly so that they were touching from the knees up. Eric closed his eyes and carefully rested his cheek on her sun warmed hair.

"Eric? You really are the nicest of us."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! Thanks for hanging out with me! Once again, thanks to you guys for leaving such kind reviews. It means a lot to me!**

 **Oh, we can't have teenage romance without drama and angst, right?**

Jackie pulled out of his embrace and looked him in the eye. She stared at him as if she were searching for something or waiting. There was something here, he could feel it. This wasn't his imagination. All he had to do was lower himself down and kiss her.

He could do this. This is what he was waiting for. He didn't know much about girls, but this bore so much more weight than when Donna kissed him first on the Vista Cruiser. He held her gaze and hoped he was interpreting things correctly. His heart was beating so quickly he wondered if she could hear it.

 _This is it. Thisisit._

"Jackie? Can I-"

"Eric…"

The dull clanging of someone climbing up the metal rungs broke them apart. Eric withdrew his arm and they peered down and saw the curly hair of Steven Hyde. When Hyde reached the platform he sat down and snagged the remaining beers from behind Eric. "I believe this is my beer you have your grubby mitts all over." He opened one and chugged until it was half gone.

"So what're you two doing up here? Pining away?" He smiled smugly at them. Eric's nerves were so jumbled, he thought there was a dual meaning behind Hyde's words. Hyde couldn't possible know, could he?

Then again, _everyone_ knew when he liked Donna, so maybe he was easier to read than he hoped. But, that was years ago, and it was a little more obvious since they were neighbors and had spent so much time together.

 _Shit. Was he that obvious?_

Jackie huffed, "What're _you_ doing here, Steven? How did you even find us?" Eric inwardly smiled at her annoyance. Maybe she was annoyed at their interruption, which would mean she _wanted_ him to kiss her.

"In this rinky-dink town? There's only so many places to go." Hyde finished the can and crushed it. A swift movement sent the empty flying into the shrubs below.

Eric raised an eyebrow, "What _are_ you doing here? I thought you had work." He could play this off. It was an innocent question.

"I would, but Leo took off man. Place was locked up." He grabbed the last beer and opened it, not bothering to peel it off the plastic rings. "Nobody answered the door at his place, so…" He shrugged and took a drink.

Eric felt whatever he and Jackie were on the verge of was gone. Well, if there wasn't 'this time' there'd be a 'next time', or so he hoped. He wasn't as angry as he thought he would have been because he could swear that Jackie reciprocated _something_. And, if that were true it would sustain him until he could get her alone again.

If she looked at him again with _that look_ with those beautiful eyes, he wouldn't squander away the opportunity. Unlike Donna, he _would_ make the first move. He was a man after all and Jackie seemed to like manly men. Ok, he wasn't exactly manly, but he could at least kiss her first.

 _Yes. He was a_ man _._ He unconsciously puffed up his chest and squeezed the beer can in his fist to crush it. It was a weak attempt and looked nothing like the flat disc Hyde made. _Of course._ He heard the Jackie giggle and he turned to frown at her. Before he could say anything, Hyde snatched the can out of his hand, "Give it here." In one quick movement the can was flattened. He finished his own drink, rings and all and pitched it over the railing before standing up.

"Alright ladies, I'm going home for dinner. You coming, Forman?"

Eric cleared his throat to let the minor embarrassment of being shown up by Hyde wash away. "Yeah, I'll, uh...I'm coming." He looked down at Jackie and offered a hand up. She looked back at him in a slightly suspicious manner before accepting. He waited a beat until Hyde was out of earshot before squeezing her hand and said in a low tone, "Jackie...don't worry about Kelso. You can do so much better." He didn't wait for a response before lowering himself down the ladder.

As he descended he chanced a look up at the wrong time (or completely perfect time) to see Jackie's rear end near his face as she climbed down. He flinched and his grip on the ladder nearly gave way under his sweaty palms.

Mid summer brought Red's wrath. If Eric didn't have a job, then he was relegated to the household chores. It was hot as hell too. He spent his time cleaning out the dusty attic and the garage, or perched on the blazing hot roof hammering in missing shingles.

He tried to bow out of his chores when he noticed Jackie was over, but it was hard. The bit of free time he had was spent with her, Hyde and a newly returned Fez. He wondered if he should just outright ask her out-even just under the guise of friends, but the thought of her rejection terrified him.

What if she said no and told everybody? Jackie wasn't the best at secret keeping, Eric knew and he just didn't know if he could bear another painful round of embarrassment after the Casey Kelso incident. No, he would just stand back and admire her and if an opportunity arose he would take it. It felt easier to let nature take its course. Easier and less scary.

There were times when they were all together he'd catch Jackie's eye and felt his stomach drop. The looks they shared almost convinced him that he should just buck up and ask her on a date. She seemed over Kelso, and he'd been over Donna for awhile now, so there really was nothing standing in his way. As time went on, he thought he could handle the ridicule of his friends and even an angry Kelso.

The next time he saw her, he'd ask her out. On a date.

And he told himself that every time he saw her for the next three weeks.

August rolled around and the pack of teenagers marveled at how quickly their summer break passed. By then, Eric managed to duck out of any chores Red found for him. He was able to spend more time with his friends and formulate a plan for wooing Jackie Burkhart.

He was so wrapped up with dodging awkward phone calls from Donna, or laying low around Red, or planning the perfect way to ask the most beautiful girl in Point Place out that he missed the subtle shift between his friends.

Eric was leaning against the headboard of his bed reading a comic book when his bedroom door flew open and a tiny cheerleader with an air of drama whirled in. It startled Eric enough that he dropped his comic on the floor. He barely had a chance to wonder why Jackie was in his bedroom before she sat down on the edge.

"Eric, I need to talk to you." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as Eric sat up and moved closer to her. She was wearing a short denim skirt and an off the shoulder mid-drift top. She had so much soft skin exposed and she was so lovely, he marveled that this girl was sitting on _his_ bed _right next to him_.

He watched her open her mouth to speak and…

 _Could this be it? Could this be his chance? Oh shit. What if this was his chance?_

"Eric! Did you even hear me?" She looked irritated that he didn't give her his undivided attention.

"Um...no?" _Quick! Say something or do something you idiot!_

Jackie sighed and her face softened. She grabbed his hand and apparently didn't notice how damp it was. "Eric...Donna and Michael are coming back. I ran into Bob Pinciotti in the driveway and he said Donna misses Point Place and she misses you."

Eric heard the words that came out of her mouth and he could feel the confusion wash over his face. "They're...coming...back?" He asked softly. _Why? Why now? Donna missed him? What?_

He looked her in the eyes and found concern there. It was a strange and unusual look on Jackie. "Yeah. Of course Bob never said Michael mentioned me, or anything. Not that I care about that buffoon. What're you going to do about Donna?"

Her words set off some train of thought in him. Jackie didn't care if Kelso came back or not, and quite frankly, he didn't care that Donna was. Sure, it's be good to see one of his oldest friends, but _she left_. Eric didn't let himself be the consolation prize and so...that was that. They both made their choices, and now that he was being honest with himself, he hadn't been happy with her for a long time.

Eric suddenly stood up and threw his hands up in the air before turning to Jackie. "You know what? I don't care either. What am I going to do about Donna?" He turned away from Jackie and stared at the room around him. "What am I going to do? I'm not doing anything, Jackie." He was riling himself up and began to pace. "Donna Pinciotti, the feminist, bossy, controlling neighbor? Oh ho ho!" He chuckled and rested his hands on his hips. "The very same neighbor I'm not good enough for?"

Jackie stood up and crossed her arms. "Eric."

" _Maybe_ I don't want to be emasculated every five minutes, did anyone think of that?" He asked no one in particular.

"Eric-"

" _Maybe_ I don't want a freakishly strong girlfriend with man hands! I-I don't want to be someone's second choice! Red, Hyde, Fez...my own mother think that I should be grateful she would want me. Even you," he turned to face her, "think she's better off without me!" The pressure and the expectations surfaced and blew up on the one person he never wanted to burden. Yet there it was.

"Eric!" She grabbed his biceps to demand his attention. " _Look_. I agree with you. I may have said that she was better off without you because...well for one, she's almost taller than you. Two, yeah, I know your neighbors and blah, blah, blah," she led him to the bed and dragged him down to sit with her. "But, you guys don't really want the same thing, like in the future."

Eric stared at her to ensure she was being genuine. He had a good notion of who Jackie Burkhart was, and observant wasn't a trait he'd put on the list. He and Donna didn't want the same things in the future, and he had no idea anyone else- let alone Jackie would have noticed.

Jackie sighed and rested her hands on his knees. "I do agree that you deserve better. I know how it feels, you know that. The both of you are my friends, but what she did..what her and Michael did was cowardly. You _are_ such a nice guy and deserve better than Donna Pinciotti settling for you."

There was no internal fight when he took that moment and leaned over and kissed her. She gasped and squeezed his knees where her hands rested. Eric could feel her press her lips back...and it felt so right and natural and when she let him deepen the kiss all thoughts of Donna or Kelso, or anyone else disappeared. He scooted closer and cupped her cheek and was about to grab her with his other hand when he felt her push him away.

They stared at each other for a second.

 _Oh no. Oh no. He completely read her wrong. His dad was right, he was so, so stupid-_

Jackie jumped up. "You idiot!"

 _Oh yes, he was stupid indeed_. He hung his head. "Jackie, I am _so so sorry_ -"

"No! You- _ugh_!" He chanced a look at her, and yep she was angry. "Why did you wait so long!"

 _Wait. What?_ He gave her a confused look. "Wait. What do mean? Wait so long?" He stood up.

"Yes. _GOD_ Eric! I have been practically throwing myself at you this entire summer! What does it take to get your attention? Dress up as a stormtrooper?"

This wasn't what he was expecting at all. She was saying what he had longed to hear and he could feel the elation travel through him. Jackie Burkhart liked Eric Forman! This was better than anything he could ever dream of.

He grinned. Yes. Elation, relief, joy...pure happiness. "Jackie," he began softly, "you have no idea how long I've had feelings for you." He took her hands into his. "I never thought that you'd ever-"

She let him hold her hands as she uttered, "I...I like you too, but I shouldn't have kissed you." Jackie let herself be led back down to the bed. "Don't say that." Eric studied her face and became instantly disappointed at what he saw. She should be happy, right? They felt the same way about each other.

Her shoulders slumped. "After everything we've been through, I could see you were perfect for me. But I'm not a cheater."

"What do you mean? Hey, you and Kelso have been broken up for months. If you're worried about what him or Donna are gonna say…" He trailed off unsure of how he was going to finish that sentence.

She pulled her hands out of his. "Oh my God, are you even listening to me? I'm not a cheater. I didn't think you were interested! All this time together and you didn't make a move!" She added quietly, "It's too late now."

Eric saw the tears in her eyes and the happiness that flooded him earlier quickly dried up. "Too late?"

"I'm seeing someone now, and I don't know if it's serious or not or where it's going to go-if anywhere. But…" He stopped listening after that. He thought he knew heartbreak, but this was something so powerful, it felt as though his insides were ripped apart and yanked from his body.

Eric thought that Jackie turning him down would crush him and that was wrong. Jackie wanting to be with him, _waiting on him_ then finding someone else crushed him into so many pieces, being whole wasn't even an option.


	6. Chapter 6

**Once again, a big thanks to everyone taking this journey with me! I'm having so much fun with this, it's going to be a bit longer than anticipated. The end result will be the same. Also, apologies for typos, I've been drinking.**

 **Inspiration for this chapter: Bryan Adams "Run to You"**

The scene played over and over like a stuck Betamax. He thought about it when he agreed to give Donna and the relationship another chance. He thought about it when he went to bed at night and woke up in the morning.

Stumbling in on Steven Hyde on top of Jackie Burkhart. Seeing her shocked face at being caught. The awareness that he had to keep his composure in front of Donna. The way he and Jackie caught each other's eye, knowing they had to come to some sort of understanding at that moment. The shock he expressed was real. Of all the people in Wisconsin- in the _world,_ it had to be Steven Hyde.

Eric Forman's life was one big cosmic joke.

He blustered and fumbled and said something about her being Yoko Ono, but that was just anger talking. She wasn't Yoko, they weren't The Beatles, and she didn't break anything up. There was nothing _to_ break up.

He was hurt, he was angry, he…was simply broken hearted. He agreed to try again with Donna because she seemed genuine, and he hated to be alone. Especially because _she_ was taken. He would reinvest himself into this familiar relationship again and hope that everything would all just fade away. He'd treat the summer like it never happened.

He'd make Red Forman proud and bury his feelings. There was no other choice.

And to be honest, all Eric wanted was for Jackie to be happy. He was still convinced that he was the only one that would ever make her truly happy, but he'd cut some slack for Hyde. He wasn't a bad guy. Jackie was capable of giving love away so selflessly, that he hoped she'd make Hyde happy, too. No matter what he wanted, he could tell that Jackie and Hyde were more serious than they let on, and he wasn't about to stand in the way of that.

He'd resigned himself to backing away, but that didn't stop the burning in his heart and stomach for the cheerleader.

It didn't stop him from proposing to Donna.

He'd marry Donna and follow her to college, and do whatever he could to make her happy. The farther away from Point Place he could get the better.

And the gang lived life just as it was before "the summer." Jackie seemed calmer and Hyde nicer. There was no denying that they were good together. There were still times Hyde came off as dismissive or repulsed by Jackie's outpouring of affection, but Eric just assumed it was Hyde's way. She seemed to bounce back from Hyde's rebuffs and despite her appearance, she was no delicate flower.

But the more he thought about it, Hyde's behavior caused him to feel equal parts relieved and disturbed. Relief in that she never took anything Hyde said to heart, but disturbed that it almost felt like a Kelso reboot. Did she think so little of herself that she would again pack away her desires and feelings for a guy that seemed to take her for granted?

That was no longer his problem, and Eric tried to tell himself that. He would marry his childhood sweetheart and life would be…okay.

And it would have been okay if Eric and Jackie didn't share a weird, _knowing_ look between each other. It didn't happen often, but it _did_ happen. Jackie and Eric were closer than they ever let on, and the unspoken secret between them never seemed to fully go away. It lingered between them, even around their significant others and friends.

His parents were so caught up in his engagement their behavior overtook any thoughts he had about Jackie. They had hounded him relentlessly about it, and it brought out that simmering anger that only boiled over once in awhile. He _would_ marry Donna, if only to shut them up and prove them wrong. To prove to himself that he could do this. It became less and less about sharing a life with Donna than it was demonstrating to his family that he was an adult capable of making his own decisions.

And through all of the wedding plans and flack he got from everybody, he was completely oblivious to what Steven Hyde did. He broke Jackie's heart, and Eric wasn't there for her.

It was second hand knowledge learned from Donna that Hyde had cheated over some misunderstanding that involved Fez and a naked Kelso…or something. He was completely baffled at Hyde's actions. Hyde was a rebel and followed his own beat, even when it came to his love life, but Eric never would have taken him for a cheater. Not when he had the privilege of having Jackie at his side. Eric succeeded in keeping the smile off his face when Donna added that Hyde asked for forgiveness and Jackie wouldn't hear of it. He was proud of her.

It was only a coincidence that the very same day Jackie turned Hyde down; Eric told Donna he wasn't ready to get married.

He was lying back on the Vista Cruiser's windshield, staring up at the stars. It was officially fall and a chill had settled in. Now that there was no impending wedding, he could safely bask in the memories of the summer without feeling too guilty. Enough time had passed that when he looked back at the kiss, it didn't hurt so much.

He was broken out of his thoughts by the familiar sound of high heels on concrete.

He sat up, drinking in the beauty that was approaching him. She didn't say anything, or even look at him as she hopped up next to him and leaned back on the windshield. He expected tears or an angry tirade, but this silent Jackie was unexpected. He wanted to say something, but instead he leaning back next to her. For the first time in a long time he didn't feel nervous around her. He felt the back of her fingers brush up against his, and this time he took the initiative and pulled her hand into his. The small gesture was a comfort. It was an anchor for two teenagers pulled apart by circumstance and friends and family and expectations. As innocent as their hands clasped together may have been, it was an unspoken declaration of unwavering friendship.

Eric wasn't sure how long they lay there without speaking before Eric said softly, not looking at her, "I'm sorry, Jackie."

Jackie scoffed, "I am so tired of hearing apologies, Eric." He glanced at her profile, waiting for her to elaborate. She rolled her head to face him, "I just…I put myself out there, being the best girlfriend I can be. I give my money, my time, my heart, " her hand went to her chest, "and what do I get? Completely crapped on."

He sighed and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "Yeah, I know. I never thought Hyde-" Jackie cut him off before he finished his thought, "Obviously I didn't either! I thought he was different. Turns out he's just like Michael."

He scooted closer to her and pulled her hand he still held to his waist. He felt the weight of her arm on his and closed his eyes. The cool autumn air mixed with the scent Jackie's shampoo almost lulled him to sleep. He was amazed at how comfortable he was. The emotions in his heart had nothing to do with putting the moves on her, or trying to decipher motives. It was a moment of intimacy between two people that tried to hide a genuine bond from the people closest to them.

Jackie let out a watery sigh, "I loved him. I mean, I think I did. I thought…you know he finally told me he loved me? He said that _after_ I didn't forgive him." Eric didn't open his eyes and just listened. "You aren't supposed to sleep with nurses if you love someone."

"Hyde is," Eric carefully began, "Hyde is insecure. I mean, you know Bud and Edna. He doesn't…have the best examples, relationship wise…" He trailed off hoping that she wouldn't think he was trying to defend Hyde.

"God, I'm starting to think there's something wrong with _me_." At her words Eric bristled. He was suddenly pissed at Hyde. Pissed at how he made Jackie question herself. He turned on his side uncomfortably on the hood to face her. What he had to say was something he needed her to hear. His finger on his free hand touched her cheek and he gently nudged her so that she'd look at him.

Their faces were so close; he could inhale in each breath she exhaled. "You are _Jackie Burkhart_. You are gorgeous and beautiful, smart…" he gave her a serious look, "funny…shallow and kinda bitchy too. But you deserve better. You _are_ better than this." Her smile could be felt under his hand, and her eyes were shining. And God, she was just so pecious.

"Donna told me what you said." That wasn't what he was expecting.

"What I said?"

"How you aren't ready to get married?" Jackie was still smiling, and Eric felt an uneasy. He was prepared to be verbally ripped apart for telling Donna that.

"Well," he said, closing his eyes and readying himself, "I was being honest. I'm not. I mean she's great. I'm really happy and we've got these plans. It's just right now, you know it's probably not the best idea since we're in high school. But yeah," he opened his eyes and cleared his throat before rambling on, "I'm really happy and it's just great-"

"Eric, just stop. You're being _Eric-y_ ," she laughed.

"Huh?" He watched her smile fade away and she turned to face the sky above.

"Okay. Before you tell me what the deal is between you and Donna, I need to tell you something." She took a deep breath, "At first, I was with Steven because I didn't think you liked me. He was just there, and I don't know…then I really _did_ start having feelings for him. And I think I do love him in a way. I care for him, but I'm not _in love_ with him. What broke my heart about this whole stupid nurse thing was that it was what I deserved."

Eric stared at her, completely confused as to what she was trying to say. Jackie sat up abruptly and pulled her hand out of his to cross her arms over her chest. He didn't have the heart at the moment to sit up, and simply stared at the space she occupied a second ago.

"I deserved it because I was using Steven to cover up the fact that I am in love with a complete nerd. _I was hoping that by being with him I would get over you_."

Eric bolted upright. Before he could say anything Jackie turned to him and said sharply, "I swear Forman. If you breathe one word of this to anyone, I won't hesitate to kick you senseless."

He hopped off the hood and stood in front of her. "Jackie…I know this makes us terrible people, but I…" he gestured to her, "I...that's what…with Donna." He couldn't articulate what he had been doing for going on months- _years_ \- now. "I know I'm terrible but, with Donna- I was doing the same thing."

They stared at each other.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'd like to say thanks for spending time here with me. This chapter was the hardest for me to write, and I hope it's still in character. Cheers.**

 **Inspiration: "Wonderwall" by Oasis (or Ryan Adams' version depending on your mood) and "I'm on Fire" by Bruce Springsteen**

"So what-"

"Ok, now-"

"You go ahead-"

"What were you-"

"You."

"You."

Flustered, Jackie stood up. "Okay, Eric. You need to know," she directed her index finger at him, "that I am not a _slut_ or a _boyfriend_ stealer."

Eric grabbed her hand and the offending finger. "I would never think that about you." He pulled her hand closer and held it to his chest; "You can't steal me away anyway. I've been…Jackie, I've been yours already, like, awhile now." He mentally cursed himself for sounding like such an idiot.

Jackie gasped and clutched her chest with her free hand. "Eric Forman, that is _the_ most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." He watched as her eyes widened. " _Oh my God_ , we're like the star-crossed lovers of Point Place," she mused. Okay, maybe he didn't sound as stupid as he thought he did. He smiled at Jackie's cheesy romantic notions because he loved that about her. He usually bungled any romantic gesture he made towards Donna probably because he was sure he'd be mocked for it. But with Jackie…he could say anything.

"Not gonna brag, but _this_ Most Eligible Viking considers himself a modern day Romeo," Eric said with a smile.

" _I know!_ " She squealed. _"_ And that makes me Juliette! A hot Juliette."

The sound of the sliding glass door broke them apart. Red stood on the patio, garbage bag in hand.

"Mr. Forman!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Nothing! We-nothing going on here," Eric sputtered. Instead of saying anything, he eyeballed them all the way to the garbage can. He gave Eric a withering glance before stepping back inside. They both released a breath.

Eric could feel reality crashing down around them. "What are we thinking? We can't do this, Eric. I _live_ with Donna. And, aren't you two actually still together?" He looked down at her face, eyes illuminated by the porch light. She was right, of course. He tried to reason with himself…and if he could do that, he could convince her to give them a chance. They deserved to be happy didn't they? How much of a sacrifice were they expected to make- all for the sake of other people's feelings?

"Technically, yes. Donna and I are together, but you have to know that it's only because I was trying to give you up. Donna and I are together because it was easier to be with her than to be alone and see you with Hyde." He placed his hands on his hips and looked back at the sliding door to see if they'd be interrupted again. "I know this makes me a horrible person and Donna doesn't deserve this, but…she also doesn't deserve me lying to her. Asking her to marry me was, quite possibly, the stupidest thing I've ever done."

Jackie smacked him on the arm unapologetically. "You just _had to do that_ didn't you?

"Ow! Jeez, Jackie! Do what?"

"Ugh! _Propose_ , you idiot! It just makes everything worse!" She leaned against the Vista Cruiser, head buried in her hands. "I don't know what we're supposed to do." Her voice was so small and sounded so dejected.

Eric took the spot next to her; his side leaned up against hers. If anything it was to make her feel that she wasn't alone. "I…I don't know either. I really don't." And that was the truth. He really didn't know how to handle any of it. Eric thought he was prepared to face the wrath of everybody, but now that it came down to it? The innate loyalty felt like a curse. It was a burden that felt so fucking unfair. To him. To Jackie. To Donna and Hyde- Kelso, even. Jackie said she loved him. He had no doubt that he loved her. It was more than their history or her looks or proximity.

Jackie looked up at him, this time her tears were flowing freely. "This is just so screwed up," her voice hitching. "I mean I know I'm selfish. But it's just…harder to want you." She looked down at the ground, "For how pretty I am, it's weird that I've never had this problem before."

Eric nudged her, "Does Cosmo have any advice for this, um, situation?" She sniffed and rolled her eyes, "Oh, like _how to steal your best friend's boyfriend_?"

Her words at that moment brought up the guilt he knew he deserved. Maybe this wasn't the right thing. He thought he could handle any shit thrown his way…but Jackie? She didn't have anywhere else to live. What kind of man would he be if he'd pull that rug from under her? His feelings shouldn't trump the stability she had. "You know, maybe we should…" he sighed, "Try to forget all of this. I mean, I don't want you kicked of Donna's, and I don't want…" Suddenly he felt the tears well up in his own eyes. "Jackie, I can't be with Donna, but I don't know what will happen if I tell her about this."

He slung his arm over her shoulders and pulled her harshly against him. He clenched his fingers on her bicep. To him, there wasn't much time if they were going to ignore whatever was in front of them. One last touch, one last desperate attempt to remember every physical thing about her.

Just everything. The way she smelled and the shape of her body underneath the layers she wore against the Wisconsin chill. Eric felt her arm wrap around him, her own fingers clenched tight.

"I can't forget this," Jackie murmured quietly. "I don't want to."

"Yeah," Eric whispered. He couldn't forget this either, and he didn't want to. Maybe it was time to just toss everything aside, and ask who he wants to make happy.

The answer was simple and obvious. He rarely stood up for anything he'd wanted. And, he wanted Jackie. Wanted her to be his. "You know what? No." He said with a new found determination. "You know…I'm going to talk to Donna. I can't-I won't let this go. There's…okay…there's maybe a ton of reasons why we shouldn't be together." He pulled Jackie up with him so she'd face him, "But I don't care." He grabbed her face to make sure she heard every word he was about to say, "I don't care what they're going to say. This isn't fair to us." He closed his eyes hoping the Jackie could feel the truth behind the words he was going to say next. "I love you. I am _in love_ with you and it's been like that for such a long time…"

Eric could feel the fresh tears on his fingers where they rested. "Yeah…yeah, okay." She whispered looking up at him. He wasn't sure what exactly she was agreeing to. And, it didn't really matter. He'd make this okay for them, or at least try. They deserved a chance at happiness, or at least a chance at that anyway.

"So," Eric said nervously, "I'm going to end things with…and then we'll…" He didn't finish his thought because she kissed him. Right then and there. Her hands wrapped around his waist under his jacket, and he responded by gripping her face to hold her as close to him as he could. The feel of her mouth, her tongue nearly caused the tears he held back to spill out. The kiss was frantic almost to the point of violence. There was so much emotion stirring between them and unlike the last kiss, this was built on the sheer desperation of two people needing each other. Eric breathed in the smell of her skin and his body acted on its own. He picked her up and squeezed as hard as he could just to bring her closer to him.

Their kiss didn't bring the happiness he thought it would. Now there was a sadness he felt because this was simply a taste of what he could possibly have.

Eric went to bed that night with thoughts of cheese maidens and stolen beer. Of brunette cheerleaders and how loyal was too loyal and conversations on old couches. Of multi-colored eyes and star-crossed lovers and secret loves.

It was a long night for Eric Forman.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Wew. I've been sitting with this for awhile, and though I'm not entirely too happy with it, it just needs to be out there so we can get on with the story._**

 ** _Inspiration: "Forever Young" by Alphaville_**

The next morning after breakfast, Eric found himself trudging down the stairs to the basement. His thoughts were solely on a certain redhead and how _the_ conversation would commence. He'd been running scenarios through his mind the moment he woke up. How do you break up with your childhood sweetheart without them hating you? He didn't want her to hate him, but he just couldn't continue with the charade because he knew he would end up resenting her. They were always in a perpetual make-up/break-up cycle, and it needed to end and Eric was more than prepared to end it once and for all. There's nothing like waiting on the train tracks, watching the train barrel down on you and simply accepting the outcome.

And really, it saddened him. He wasn't going to back out of it, but it still hurt knowing that he was literally calculating a way to break someone's heart, no matter how gently he tried to do it.

He was distracted from of his thoughts by a quiet guitar strumming.

He saw Kelso perched on the back of the couch, guitar in his lap and a notebook balanced on his knee. He would strum a few chords before scribbling something in the notebook. Eric stood on the bottom step watching briefly before he decided to make himself known.

"What are you doing, Kelso?" Eric made his way around the couch and sat to face him. Kelso turned to Eric, pencil pointed at him, "Okay, so you know how Jackie's always on about _romance_ and _paying attention_ to her and whatever? Well, I'm writing a song for her, and it'll be so romantic that she can't say no to me!" He smiled at the cleverness of his plan.

Eric gave Kelso a confused look. Should he say something? Kelso was his friend and all, and he'd hate to see Jackie humiliate him…but on the other hand, he was so hard headed that anything less might be misconstrued.

"Oookay…do you think…" Eric straightened up to ensure he had Kelso's undivided attention, "Do you think that maybe you should just forget about her? There's, like a million women who haven't had the pleasure of Michael Kelso." While this might be an unforeseen deterrent, Kelso was the least of his worries for the moment.

"C'mon, Eric! Since Hyde's been with her, I told him I'd go after her. They broke up. She's fair game." He placed the guitar on the floor, propped up by the couch. "I mean it's me and Jackie, we're always doin' this."

Eric took a deep breath before speaking. "Kelso, what if Jackie doesn't feel the same way? What if," he cleared his throat, "what if Jackie has feelings for someone else?" Okay, there. _Water is officially tested_.

Now it was Kelso's turn to look confused. "Like who? If it's that cheese guy again, I'm gonna kill him." Eric gave him a pat on the shoulder, "Okay there. You know…that song you're writing, I bet it'd work on any girl, not just Jackie." He let the thought sink in.

The moment of clarity that washed over Kelso was obvious. " _Dude_. You are _so_ right. A hot guy like me serenading all the hot chicks? They'll be making out with me topless in no time!" With that, he threw open the back door and bounded up the steps with the guitar carelessly in his grasp.

Eric sat alone on the couch, running his fingers across the ridges of his corduroy pants.

 _It's not you, it's me._

 _We just don't have a future together._

 _It's been over for a long time._

 _You need your freedom._

 _We can still be friends._

 _I'm in love with someone else._

He sighed, knowing full well it was better to get it over with. He reached for the phone intent on calling Donna so they could meet in public. He figured he'd be safer in case she decided to snap him like a twig.

"What the hell is Kelso doing running around with a guitar? Does he even know how to play?"

"Donna!" Eric stood up in shock to find his girlfriend standing in the doorway Kelso had just run through.

"Eric!" She said in mock surprise. She sat down on the couch and looked up at him. "What are you doing? Sit down."

He did as he was bid. "Kelso is…writing a song…you know what? Let's not talk about him," he said in a jovial tone.

Here's the origin story: First, there was his parents. Then his sister. Then Michael Kelso and Steven Hyde. Next came Donna Pinciotti, and she was the embodiment of a desirable woman. She was pretty and smart and strong. Eight-year-old Eric Forman couldn't have been more in love than he was…until he met a tiny, loud rich girl. A completely different girl that was pretty and smart and strong in her own unique way.

And now he was potentially going to create a wedge between his friends so large, there may not be anything to bridge it.

When Donna left, there was an emptiness Eric felt in his stomach. She cried, he almost cried and he thought back on one of the last part of the conversation.

 _"Okay, I don't understand. I thought we were good. Eric? Is there…is there someone else?" Seeing Donna vulnerable again almost made him change his mind. He never wanted to hurt anyone, ever. He could almost physically feel himself crack._ Yes, yes there is. I've been in love with someone else and she's been all I've been thinking about.

But he didn't say that. Donna deserved the truth, he owed her as much, but the words wouldn't come out. He just shook his head and watched as his first real love stepped out the door. He was brave enough to break up with her, but craven enough to not tell her the real reason.

He sat there feeling a weird emptiness he hadn't anticipated. Eric figured there'd be a sense of relief or anxiety or something altogether different than hollow. Whether it was minutes or hours of sitting there staring at the blank television, he wasn't sure.

Eric thought about how Jackie kissed _him_ and he smiled to himself. He didn't want to be _that_ guy, but the thought of her waiting for him filled him with…hope? There wasn't the guilt because it wasn't about Donna's broken heart as it was about making himself happy-and apparently making Jackie happy, too.

What the fallout would be with Hyde and Donna was brushed aside. Right now he needed to talk to Jackie. And maybe, _just maybe_ , they could make this work.


	9. Chapter 9

_**If you're still interested in this story, then I thank you. I love that you're here, and invested in this world as much as I am.**_

Eric wanted to go see her, but Donna could still be home. He thought about calling Jackie, but there was the possibility that Donna or Bob might answer, and talking to Bob was something that he really wasn't looking forward to.

He wanted to go for a drive, but didn't want to go to The Hub, or the water tower, or Mount Hump or any of the other meager destinations the town had to offer. He wanted to be with _her_ , but at the moment he didn't know how.

Instead, he trudged up the stairs to his bedroom and flopped down on the bed with a feeling of exhaustion that wasn't warranted considering he'd done nothing physically taxing. It was just emotional exhaustion. The only solution he had was to stare at the ceiling and think.

Really what it boiled down to was that he could potentially be losing his closest friends over a girl, and the thought caused him to swallow hard. Was she a worthy enough cause to relinquish the people closest to him?

But it wasn't about a 'girl', really. It was about choosing his happiness over his…unhappiness. It wasn't about choosing Jackie over the rest of his friends, it was about choosing _himself_.

And when you put it that way, there wasn't a choice.

She stepped into his room this time without the usual flourish. Her entrance was quiet and deliberate. She closed the door behind her and pinned her hands against the door, staring at him.

He'd spent most of the morning staring at the ceiling. Plotting the next move, picturing scenarios. The scenario he hadn't planned was to have her place herself in the same room so soon.

"I know," she said.

"Know?"

"You and Donna. She was a mess. I just can't believe you did it."

Well, that wasn't surprising. He was normally a coward, or a ball of sarcasm that shielded the put-downs and insecurities. It was also not surprising because the two guys she'd been with _lied_ to her- _cheated_ on her, and so that would be the appropriate response, he surmised.

Eric sat up, "Jackie, I meant it. When I said I…" He squeezed his eyes shut, "I am sincere, okay? I know with Kelso and Hyde…" It felt like he was floundering, searching for a verbal life ring. "Look, I have always been honest with you. Even when I didn't actually like you-like at all- I have pretty much told you the truth. Okay, _wait_ \- that's not true, actually. Kelso-"

"Eric? Stop." Eric could hear her nails scrape against the wooden door as she flexed her hands and looked up at the ceiling he recently found so fascinating. He watched as she blinked a few times before she said, "I can't do this. If you're not," she paused again, "if you're not going to be there for me, then I don't want this, okay?" She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say more, but nothing else came out.

He bolted up, " _No_. No, remember when I said…I did what I said I'd do, and you know," he tossed his hands up, "I held up my end of the bargain, okay?" Eric looked at her helplessly, "I think _you're_ supposed to say something here?"

When she didn't, Eric stood up and walked towards Jackie. "Maybe say, I don't know?" He shrugged, 'Yes, _Eric_ , you did the right thing.' 'Yes, _Eric,_ I do actually love you and want to be with you.' 'Yes, Eric, _you weren't making a mistake when you tossed everything aside._ '"

He wasn't angry at her, just…frustrated, maybe. Normally, in all the years he'd known her, she wouldn't ever _stop_ talking. And, now when he needed her to say something, she wasn't.

Jackie stomped passed him without making eye contact and plopped herself on his bed. She crossed her arms, heels banging against the bedframe. "Yes, _Eric_ , " she huffed. "Yes. Yes to all of it. I guess, you know…just…ugh!"

He laughed at her frustration and set himself onto the bed next to her. "Jackie, I did what I said what I was gonna do, because," he took her hand, "because I _love_ you and I really don't care what will happen next."

She looked up at him then, and the look on her face made up for everything she didn't say. Her eyes conveyed hope and _trust._ He could see her searching his face for anything that would indicate he was lying or being disingenuous.

But.

Then she kissed him. Her soft lips felt better than the last kisses they shared. This time they were alone, and it was an indulgence. His mother had taken a shift at the hospital, and he had no idea where Red was, but it didn't matter.

Eric laid her down and shifted to pull up the sheet and blanket over them without breaking the kiss. The amazing thing about it was that she didn't resist. Her body scooted down to bury herself further the covers. A tiny hand cupped his face and pulled him to her, tongue still exploring his mouth. He took the opportunity to grab her hair, the hair that he secretly loved and desperately wanted to touch for years. It was just as soft as he imagined.

They were fully dressed, and it seemed ridiculous that they were lying here in the middle of the morning on a Saturday. But, the bedding above them felt like a shield. Under the crisp sheet and the comforter, they were protected. Much like their _relationship_ , it blossomed under being hidden. For Eric, and Jackie too, he suspected it wasn't about shame. The hiding and the looks were about not instigating others around them.

It was here, right now, in this room and this bed that meant _everything_ was going to change.

He dared to brush his hand up her skirt. Whatever her reaction was, he just had to do it. But, it didn't matter, because he could feel her startled intake of breath at his actions, and she didn't object, so his free hand slowly worked his way up her thigh until he could feel the hem of her panties on that little thigh that he would never admit to thinking about.

She was so much smaller and felt so fragile. The only girl he'd been this close to was near his height and stature. To feel the girl he was so hesitant to love next to him was a different experience entirely. Her little body pressed up against him made Eric feel strong and big, and that alone took much of the anxiety away.

Their breath mingled under the covers, and the air under the blankets grew hot. There were no sounds but the heavy breathing and shuffling of limbs. They parted almost simultaneously to look each other in the eye and that's when Eric knew-really knew- that this was more serious than even he thought.


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for sticking around! I've been writing other stuff over on AO3, and haven't really given this the attention it deserves. Hopefully, this isn't too rushed or anything. It took me ages._

Jackie giggled and flung the blanket off her. "Hey, you're messing up my hair."

Eric sat up and tousled it. "Oh, you mean this hair?" Jackie laughed and sat up all the way. "Stop," she admonished while giving him a playful shove. "You're making me look like I've been fooling around."

She _did_ , and Eric thought she never looked more beautiful. Jackie Burkhart had been _fooling around_ with _him,_ and he felt like the luckiest man alive. "Sorry, did you say fool around?" With that he gave a little shrug and pinned her back down onto his pillow and kissed her.

Eric could fell her body shaking with the laughter she was trying to hold back. "Something funny here, lady?" He pulled away and rested his weight on an elbow and admired her smiling face. He wished he could live in this moment-burn the image in his brain-because he never wanted to forget this.

Jackie grabbed the collar of his shirt and looked him in the eye. "You're such a goof, Eric."

He chuckled and ran a finger down the side of her perfect face. " _That_ is such a strange pet name. I actually prefer the term boyfriend." The words were out of his mouth before he knew it. Great…well, they were out there now. He closed his eyes and flinched for whatever Jackie was going to say to him.

Instead she gasped and sat up so fast her forehead almost banged into his. " _Oh my god_ , do you mean it?" Her hands flew to her chest, then his face. "Look at me, Eric. I swear, if you're joking," she squeezed a little, "I won't hesitate to…to- I don't know what- but you're not going to like it."

He grabbed her wrists and lowered her hands. "Of course I mean it. What did you think was going to happen?" He supposed there really wasn't much time for having expectations. Okay, he had a few, but he wasn't sure what Jackie wanted.

"Honestly, I don't know. You're not stupid like Michael and you're not an emotional cripple like Steven…but you better not be a cheat like them, either." Eric recognized a threat when he heard one, but her words held little weight and it sounded as if she just needed to say it out loud for her own sake.

"Hey," He said quietly while pulling her onto his lap, "why would I need anyone else when my _girlfriend_ is Jackie Burkhart?" She smiled sweetly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Good. Because I know my _boyfriend_ Eric Forman is a great guy. In fact, being my boyfriend means that he has the privilege of walking me to the door."

Eric frowned. "You're leaving? But I don't want you to."

Her smiled faltered a bit. "Yeah, I should go home and check on Donna." The guilt hit him again like a punch in the gut. Oh yeah, _that_.

"Listen, Jackie. I'm so sorry you're in the middle of all this. I mean-it's completely my fault-"

"It _is_ your fault." He flinched at her interruption. "So, for now we'll just keep this our secret. I'm sure Steven won't be too happy about it." She got a thoughtful look on her face, "He may even punch the crap out of you. This is actually _so romantic,_ Eric."

He chuckled and got up. "Then let _Mister Romance_ here walk you out."

Just holding her hand through the house to the backdoor filled him with an unnatural giddiness buzzing around, like a kid at Christmas, seeing the gifts under the tree for the first time.

When they reached the driveway she turned to go, but he pulled her back for one small kiss. She was just so small and her eyes were so big, it took a little effort to let her go.

"Let me know what happens?" He asked quietly.

She nodded and he watched her leave, still reeling from the fact that _she_ was _his_. Jackie was flighty and loud, but he wanted that- he now _had_ that. She had willingly given her heart to him, trusted in his ability to keep her from harm. What a privilege it was, he marveled.

"Eric?"

He darted around at the sound of his name to find his father standing in the garage.

"Dad?" His voiced sounded strangled as he tried to conjure up words in his defense. How much had Red _seen_ of their goodbye? "I- what're…I'm not-"

"Can it, son. We need to talk." All seriousness. This wasn't going to go well. With heavy feet he dragged himself closer to the garage opening, yet still hoping to keep out of arms reach, in case Red wanted to murder him.

" _That_ doesn't look like the red head you're _engaged_ to." Red crossed his arms and stared him down. Eric wasn't ready for this, not at all.

"I…um. Okay," Eric cleared his throat and tried to think of an explanation that didn't make things appear…well, how things were.

Red sighed. "Son. Normally I really don't give a damn what you kids are doing, or who is dating who, or any crap like that. But, I didn't raise you to be a two-timer. What would your mother say about treating those girls like that?"

Eric's head shot up, "What? No! No, it's not like that. I'm not- Donna and I aren't-" He paused, "Donna and I aren't together anymore. I asked her to marry me for all the wrong reasons." He shuffled his feet and braced his hands on his hips. "I've been…It's been Jackie the whole time. And… she was with Hyde and I was jealous, so I did something stupid and impulsive with Donna." There. Now he braced himself for the fallout.

Well, maybe all this talk about his feelings would scare Red away.

"Let me tell you a little story," Red began as he ambled over to the toolbox. "Before I met your mother I was engaged. She was…well, you're grandmother loved her." He took a cloth and began wiping down a wrench. "I thought I did too. Believe it or not I was your age once. And, when I heard I was going to get shipped off, I proposed because that's what you were supposed to do with your sweetheart when you when off to war."

"Does mom know?" Eric asked, unable to help himself.

"I'm not finished. Turns out, when I was gone, I didn't even miss her. Guess she felt the same way, because I got a letter telling me there was someone else. Obviously, I took it like I man and carried on- until I met your mother. What I'm saying is-" Red took a breath and rolled his eyes. "Just because everyone wanted us to get married- my mother, her mother- it would have turned out terrible. Just because everyone around you expects you to do something, doesn't mean it's what's right."

"Ooookay?"

Red stepped directly in front of him, placing his hands on his shoulders. "Everyone expects you to be with Donna. I knew the engagement was a mistake, and I knew it wasn't real. Be with who makes you happy- like your mother and me-, but try not to hurt anyone in the process, okay?" Eric just nodded.

"I've always liked that Loud One."

 _A/N: Not too sure how I did with Red here. For the life of me I couldn't find what episodes there were that showed anything Red's past relationship before Kitty. I do remember that his mother always hated Kitty and liked the other girl better._


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